Changes

So as I was sitting in Jupiter House tonight, I sat there contemplating, realizing more and more how my life is going to be changing this year. My parents can attest to the fact that I struggled all through middle school and high school finding good girl friends. I dealt with all of the "mean girl" things and just never really had a good consistent group of friends. I remember praying for so long for God to please bring me some good friends. Oh how He answered that plea. I met Grace through Super Summer, who introduced me to Caroline and Hannah. They became my consistency in high school, although it was difficult not going to the same school as Grace and me, Caroline, and Hannah, all being in different grades with different friend groups at school. And then when I got into college, He truly blessed me with the greatest community I have ever experienced, especially when I moved to Denton and got involved with The Village. Now, my parents can attest to the fact that God has greatly blessed and enriched my life with so many people, especially the good girl friends I had been asking for for so long. After years of walking with these amazing girls, it's all about to change, and I'm honestly a little fearful for my adjustment.

One of my best friends Grace is moving to Italy for 2 years as a journeymen with the IMB in October. She has been walking with me since we were like 14 in Orange School at Super Summer. After that week, we decided to be accountability partners and God just ran with our friendship. We have been through so many ups and downs together and it our friendship has been nothing but beautiful. Both of our love languages is words of affirmation, so we know how to love one another well, encouraging when we need to encourage, rebuking when we need to rebuke, laughing, crying, you name it. Even though we don't get to see each other often, it is going to be a HUGE change for me to not be able to pick up my phone and call her whenever I want to, send a text message encouraging her or telling her I need prayer in something, or even getting in the car and driving 4 hours to hang out with her in Austin. I can't just hop on a plane and fly to Italy whenever I want to (although that would be an amazing luxury). I know that distance is not going to change our friendship, but it is going to change the way we communicate and that is going to be a big deal for me, especially since quality time runs a close second to words of affirmation for me. I'm going to miss that girl so much. I'm so excited to see how Father is going to use her Naples. But for now, I'm just going to enjoy spending time with her this week.

Oh Hannah Ruth. Who would've guessed 4 or 5 years ago that we would be this close and living together in Denton? I can honestly say that anyone who knows or spends 5 minutes with us can tell that we have such a unique and funny friendship. I absolutely love it. We joke ALL the time that we are like an old married couple. And it's true because we've spent so much time together the past 3 years. It seems like everyone associates us together (and we realized this when we got an invitation in the mail addressed to both of us). What am I going to do without her if she moves?? Who am I going to eat a Freschetta pizza with and watch musicals? Who is going to talk me into crazy ideas like noodling? Who is going to make me coffee and bring it on a cute little tray to my room when my head is about to explode because I'm so stressed out about homework? Like Grace, we can laugh, cry, encourage one another so well. Once again, I know distance will change the way we communicate and not necessarily our friendship, but it just won't be the same without her. If she moves (which is a strong possibility) that is going to be a huge blow to me.

And my soon-to-be-married girls. My sweet Caroline whom I've walked with since high school. She's about to move to Austin in August and then marry Lawson next June. She has been such a huge blessing to me over the years. The one word I can use to describe our friendship is sweet. I think one of the biggest blessings for me (although this day was horrible for her) was when I got a call at 10:30 in the morning 3 years ago and Caroline said, "I need to come over right now." So she walked into my room and sat down and said, "Lawson's moving overseas and I don't know when he's coming back." And then she just sat there and cried. I know ya'll are thinking, "What?! that's a horrible story!" But it was such a blessing to me! If you know Caroline, she is certainly not a cryer, and I had NEVER seen her cry before this. I was shocked at first. But I just got to sit there and comfort her. The fact that she was broken with me was huge and although it was one of the hardest years of her life, I enjoyed every minute of walking with her in that. Our friendship is going to really change after her and Lawson get married.
Rebekah is someone that God definitely placed in my life in His perfect timing. It was my first year in Denton when I joined home group and Bekah was there. As we shared each week, I was always blessed by her and encouraged because I could tell we struggled with the same things. We began walking in accountability with each other and she is just amazing. She has pushed me in so many ways and our accountability is truly what church should be like. She has helped my relationship with the Lord grow to new heights. Not to mention all the fun sleep-overs and just enjoying hanging out together. I absolutely love and adore her. I really can't express in words what she has meant to me these past couple of years. She's about to embark on a new journey with marriage and new daughters and I can't wait to walk with her in that. The good news is she'll still be close, so even though it will change a little bit because her life will be different, it won't change too much ;).
And Miss Chelsea. She's about to marry the most interesting character in 2 weeks! Ha, I love Nick and they're so great together. I met Chelsea through HG as well and she is just a joy to be around! I don't think she realizes how many things she's been there to talk me through and encourage me when I'm fearful and anxious. Her and Nick will still be in Denton, but us seeing each other will be different when they get married. I have loved hanging out with her seeing her growth and leadership over the past couple of years.

So change in community is coming for me, and honestly (and selfishly) I'm not ready for it. I don't want it to change. I want to stay exactly the same. Tonight I was thinking, "Uggh! But God you just gave me this and I asked for it for SO long! Why are you taking it away from me?!" The song Blessed Be Your Name, came to my mind, especially the part where it says, "You give and take away." And I was thinking, "But I don't understand why you're taking it away. What am I going to do without these girls?" But he gently made me realize, it's not like He's angry and so He's ripping them out of my life. They will most certainly still be a part of it, it's just different. And He is going to be taking me places, and introducing me to new people, and will be faithful to continue to surround me with good community. But it will be hard. And I won't like it at first. But "My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name."